RELATIONSHIP, the great laboratory of our Self in LIFE!
Relationships are life itself which contributed to the development of it.
What is life?
Life is the relationship that our being has with everything. The attitude of relating to me determines my life. This attitude in our plane of human consciousness is dual.
We relate positively when we tend to unite, to connect with the whole, or in a negative way, when we tend to disengage ourselves or not connect.
The destructive relationship, however, is less damaging than the total absence of the relationship. Although the destructive relationship leads to a climax of negativity, the crisis it produces ends up leading to the dissolution of negativity. However, the total absence of relation is the very opposition to the vital movement. The goal of relationships is unity. The attraction between complementary opposites is the universal law of what we call “love.”
How does a human conscience enable itself to relate?
When it has the ability to flow into the union.
What does that depend on?
From your inner will to unite and from your willingness to take risks, from your courage (heart action).
It means risking to engage with emotion, regardless of whether you make mistakes, suffer or have negative feelings. In our evolutionary time, the pattern of our relationships is a combination in the same consciousness between the freedom to relate in one area and the obstruction in others. It is the combination of pleasure and dissatisfaction.
What is pleasure?
It is life, it is the free flow of consciousness, it is what is realized in union on all levels (from the physical to the spiritual).
In the absence of pleasure or dissatisfaction there is obstruction of the currents of life, unconscious obstructions in the various planes that impose an absence of pleasure, or absence of flow that affects a true bond, and to relational exchange. There is lack of depth in contact.
What determines depth in a relationship? (this is a deciding factor that measures the exchange, not the fact of being together physically, or formally).
- The level of communication: Risking to be honest with yourself and with the other.
- The level of exposure: Commit to being open to express the deepest feelings.
- The level of commitment: To be able to take risks and take responsibility (answers) between the causes and effects of my actions in the relationship.
A person can be alone and have a lot of depth in their relationships. Another may be together superficially for a lifetime. It requires that each conscience be held accountable for the distortions that impede its flow to union. A relationship without apparent friction does not imply a deep and healthy commitment. In a relationship in crisis, it may seem that it is seemingly getting worse, and yet a prerequisite of a cure is being experienced.
When two or more people grow together, in any type of relationship (companionship – friendship – love) they go through several stages: Idealization – deception – manipulation – crisis – rebalancing.
The imbalance that disrupts the life of a couple is SISTEMIC, when each is trapped in the larger context of their system of origin.
What creates separation in a relationship?
The damage caused by the expectations and demands of the participants, the re-creation of negative unconscious patterns that lead to separation and are repeated in the relationship.
Sometimes this expectation comes from the Family Fields, from the memories inserted in these fields, be it from traumas in the system (specifically from relationships), or entanglements (fidelity to the previous system, compensations).
In Couples Therapy, both the negative interactions of the personal ego need to be transmuted, as well as the systemic issues. The latter has greater depth and locking force. They are harder to be seen.
In the partnerships Love the second sight, as Bert Hellinger calls it, (I love you with your differences) heals himself of the systemic entanglements since I love that which guides and I love that which guides me! Again I subscribe to what comes from my partner’s system with gratitude. I love the origin that brought him to this partnership.
Who is more responsible in a relationship?
That person more consciously developed, because it is she who will seek a deeper interaction in the face of conflicts and greater integrity.
When there is a pairing in consciousness, both are responsible.
When destructiveness is a constant interference to the development of feelings of harmony and growth, and the latter becomes impossible through predominantly negative contact, the Pathwork Guide says that the relationship should be canceled. He is usually the most developed person who takes the initiative.
Exploring negative interaction and its effects is a hard, most rewarding goal.
Where do I go, if I go?
The basic order in relationships, and specifically of greater importance, between committed partners in a complete relationship (physical – mental – emotional and spiritual) is the order of the balance between give – take, according to Bert Hellinger ‘s systemic approach.
It means that there is equality in taking and giving between two partners.
When we do not take all the strength of our parents and our ancestors, we risk being left without the force, and so in the need to look for it where it can not be given, despite the love and good intentions of our partner, . Taking and giving not being in balance jeopardize the flow of partnership. The flow imbalance causes disruption and separation.
In the imbalance that disrupts the life of the couple when it is SISTEMIC (which usually happens), each one is trapped in the larger context of its system of origin.
The biggest problem we face in our relationships and where most of the conflicts between couples originate is what I will call projected demand. They address their partners, but they are in relation to the entanglements with the family of origin.
Destructiveness in partnerships can come from:
- Unresolved issues in the source family.
- Blows of fate (accidents, illnesses, loss of children, acquired deficiencies, children with disabilities)
- Decisions of the couple’s history: abortion, unemployment, debt, infidelity …
- Denial of sexual exchanges: each partner provides something decisive that the other is lacking.
Transmission of life: The woman contributes with her own life giving birth to her children and nurturing them. Man protects, gives birth to his children, and places them in the world.
When one accepts consciously and with love that which remains unbalanced, you can adopt new solutions that allow you to progress at the level of the Soul!